We’d like to say that “California rapper Snoop Dogg” performs at Lincoln Theatre Wednesday, May 13. And while it’s true that Snoop still raps (he remains an ace freestyler), when’s the last time you thought of him as just that, just a rapper? Actor, endorser, coach, blazer: He’s not just that dude from the LBC anymore. Thing is, after a decade of questionable decisions that include endorsing something called Chronic Candy and recording with Willie Nelson, Snoop remains an entertainer, a cult of personality beloved enough to charge $40-$45 for a 9 p.m. show just off, uhh, Bl(o)unt Street in Raleigh. Below, we take a look at the brain that’s driven him since he and Dre unveiled Doggystyle in 1993.
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1: Pot Brownies: Sometimes even Snoopy needs a snack, y’all. Get fed and get high? Fo’ fuckin’ shizzle.
2: Joints: When Snoop is trying to ease his intake, these little things are to him what nicotine patches are to smokers.
3: Blunts: As TMZ.com reported, Snoop Dogg once used a listening party for his album The Blue Carpet Treatment to promote his new blunt wraps. He also held up a blunt to the mouth of an Obama T-shirt. And he burned a blunt with Rolling Stone. The examples puff on … ad nauseam.
4: Bongs: After smoking, the Doggy sometimes needs a drink, and only bongwater will do.
5: Bowls: White kids get backstagewhite kids in cargo shorts: “Brah, Snoop, I love you, man.”
6: THC Travel: Busted in Stockholmsurely on his way to or from the Netherlandsfor smelling like ganja. Sure that’s not just Eau de Snoop?
7: Country Music in Amsterdam: Rumor! Sparks flew when Snoop recorded the country, slide-guitar, Everlast-produced (?!?!) joint “My Medicine” with Willie Nelson. Did The Gourds cover it yet?
8: Bangin’: Snoop’s divorce from Death Row Records might actually be symbolic for him escaping “death row” in his bangin’ days.
9: Reppin’: Medical records indicate years of blunt-rolling left Snoop with arthritis, and his fingers are permanently stuck in the Crips’ gang sign.
10: Flaggin’: Snoop would probably never surrender his blue Crips rag even if someone made him King of Amsterdam. Also, he once sported a suit made of blue handkerchief print.
11: Inhibition: Snoop quit puffing when he realized the fathers of the football team he coached might not approve: “I did it for two or three months,” he told a reporter of his hiatus, presumably too high to remember the actual term.
12: G-Funk: Warren G, Nate Dogg and Snoop were the G-funk triumvirate. Now, it’s all about ganja, gangstas and Snoop’s new god, Allah.
13: Snoop, Cinematic Caricature: You mean Huggy Bear (Starsky & Hutch) wasn’t self-parody? Also voiced streetwise rat next to rapping Jamie Kennedy in Malibu’s Most Wanted and hound dog alongside rapping David Spade in Racing Stripes.
14: Life After Death Row: Snoop survived life on Death Row Records and even found a career afterward. That didn’t happen for everyone…
15: Secret Stash Brain Box: Bottom line, Snoop’s got a pretty extensive rap sheet. But do cops ever search brains for weed? No, not until now… This shit is real sticky, y’all.
16: Izzle Speak: Brokizzle thizzle rulizzles ofizzle Englishizzle languagizzle. Speaking of getting old fast, why does Snoop carry an umbrella?
17: Snoop, The Thespian: Star and soundtrack man for Bones. Dank role in Training Day, too. News from Hollywood: Working with Coen Brothers on films called O Bowl, Where Art Thou? and Breathe After Passing.
18: Snoopy Smut: Snoop Marketing Coup No. 5,678: Hustler’s Snoop Dogg’s Doggystyle. We imagine at least two porn execs offed themselves for not thinking of it first. Snoop subsequently called himself “Snoop Scorsese.” Can’t make stuff like that up.
19: Flattop: Before Snoop Dogg could afford a personal hairdresser, this was the best that PetSmart could do.
20: Dookie Braids: As a tribute to Old Dirty Bastard’s song “Dogshit.” Snoop and ODB’s friendship was the inspiration for this multi-leveled ponytailed ‘do.
21: Special Occasion Hair: Blowout Afro & Temporary Perm: The blowout is for when Snoop’s brain is fried; the perm, for when he’s baked.
22: Cornrows: All roads lead back to Snoop Dogg’s famously coined “biatch[es].” How does he refer to those who braid his hair? Or is it an automated process by now? Judy Jetson?
23: That Sweet-ass Pimp Style: Borrowing tips from iconic pimps like Huggy Bear, Goldie and Bishop Don “Magic” Juan made Snoop’s style impeccable. Walking out on an award-show stage with two women on dog leashes? Kibbles and Bits for feminists.
24: Committed Father & Football Coach: Player’s mom wouldn’t let her son listen to Snoop’s music, but Coach DoggVisine in handclaimed to give the team “vision.”
25: Faithful Husband: Told Rolling Stone that, in 2004 after filing for divorce, he stopped pimping prostitutes to spend more time with his wife and kids. Ain’t love grand, biatch?
26: ESnooPN: Chilled with Louisiana State University coach Les Miles at a Rotary Club; coached football; sporadic and recent ESPN contributor. Might watching Major League Baseball while toking be the new stoner metal?
27: Endorsement Love: Pet accessories, malt liquor, action figures, shoes, the infamous and banned “Chronic Candy.” Possible million-dollar idea: Snoop Doggshitactual canine feces with the rapper’s distinctive profile on the box.