Now that college basketball season is over, I’ve collected a few thoughts and observations based on my ushering experience at the Dean Dome in Chapel Hill.
Stupidest fans: Anybody who approached me during the pre-season games and asked where their “General Admission” seats were.
Most brazen fan: The George Mason student who showed up with a green wig and giant foam finger and who constantly yelled, “You suck!” to the Tar Heels.
Worst stadium food: Beefmaster hot dogs. Despite the ubiquitous plugs on the radio, these lukewarm steamed wieners would make a rat gag.
Most unnerving moment: Seeing a grown man in the public restroom getting into his Chick-Fil-A cow costume. I’ll be in therapy for years.
Strangest time warp: For some reason the pep band seems stuck in the ’70s and ’80s. We are regularly treated to “Ghostbusters,” “Owner of a Lonely Heart,” “Take on Me,” “Shake Your Booty,” and “Boogie Wonderland” at every game.
Most head-scratching band selection: “Blister in the Sun” by the Violent Femmes.
Dumbest recurring bit: Having two average-sized students dress up as the Blues Brothers and mimic the dance moves of John Belushi and Dan Aykroyd as the band plays “I Can’t Turn You Loose.” Federal law stipulates that if you’re gonna do the Blues Brothers, one guy has to be portly while the other is slim.
Dumbest question: “Can I get back in this section if I go to the bathroom?”
Most awkward moment: During a layup race between two kids, the announcer said the contestants were playing for ESPN announcers Mike Patrick and Dick Vitale (both in attendance). At the mention of Dickie V., the crowd booed thunderously. Gotta feel sorry for the kid.
Most cliched activity: Calling your friend’s cell phone and waving maniacally while asking, “Can you see me?”
Strangest injury: A middle-aged man was taken out on a stretcher because he threw out his back while standing up from his seat at halftime.
Best unexpected compliment: “So, are you a senior here?” I was, 16 years ago.