As the number of COVID-19 cases in North Carolina increases, more and more folks are practicing social distancing. While many people are happy to help reduce the spread of this aggressive virus, some are wary about too much time spent stuck inside.
As a queer woman, however, this is my time to shine. I’m ready to crawl into bed, fire off some tweets, and get questionably serious with my girlfriend.
Some who know me might not expect my extroverted ways to translate into weeks of isolation, and on the spectrum of queer experience, it’s true that I find myself far from the “pining for the moon while reading about arugula” end, and closer to the “getting plastered on white wine and dragging my girlfriend to sing Carrie Underwood at Pinhook karaoke” end.
However, there are many aspects of my WLW experience that will help us all through this time of social distance. Here are some gay things you can do to keep yourself busy. Come, straights, let me guide you.
Watch a Long Gay Movie that Makes You Cry. If you’re quarantining, you could be inside anywhere from two weeks to a month (or more). You’re going to have a lot of time to fill, so why not fill it like many lesbians do: crying at a long gay movie. Carol? Call Me by Your Name? Portrait of a Lady on Fire? Stream these babies and you’ll be sobbing at the screen and texting your ex about the fragility of the human experience in no time. Or, as we gays call it: any given weeknight!
Tweet Like No One’s Watching. To tweet is my right as an American and, more important, as a bisexual woman. To have 24 hours a day free to send my dumb little observations out into the world? Sign me up! If you’re struggling to figure out what to tweet about, here are some categories I tend to stick to:
- My Girlfriend
- How Much I Love My Beautiful Girlfriend
- My Girlfriend’s Beauty: Is It Overwhelming or Simply Breathtaking?
You might also find your timeline to be a bit overwhelming. To ease dread about our current pandemic, unfollow everyone except for these accounts:
- Accounts that Post Nice Pictures of Plants
- Caroline Calloway
- Cat Accounts thate tweet lik dis
- My Girlfriend
U-Haul with Your Girlfriend. Many queer women famously love getting suuuper serious with new partners suuuper fast. Are you dating someone? Take a note from us and spend your weeks of social distancing cuddling in bed and opening up about your traumas. Doesn’t matter how long you’ve been seeing each other—a month? A week? This is your person now. Tell them about the deep depression you entered during your sophomore year of college, or what it was like to come out to your family.
Unless you’re straight. Then tell them about—the time Target ran out of signs that say “Life’s Short, Dance in the Rain?” I don’t know what straight people experience.
You might say, “But aren’t we supposed to stay six feet apart from each other?” Great point. Now that you’ve exposed each other to your germs, you can’t see anyone else! Guess you’ll have to stay tangled in bed discussing if you should raise your kids vegan.
These tips are but a glimpse into the ways queer women are thriving in this time of isolation. I hope you can follow our lead and spend your weeks cuddling, tweeting, and crying (in the good way). At the end of the day, we can all take comfort in remembering what’s important, which is that I (Shea) have a beautiful girlfriend who I love! And that’s all that matters.
Comment on this story at backtalk@indyweek.com.
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