Gov. Pat McCrory circumvented the traditional vetting and nomination process to name Valerie Macon, a state employee, as North Carolina poet laureate. By literary standards, Macon, a self-published poet, is unqualified for the honor, although her work “Vegetarian Meat Lover” did demonstrate her knowledge of expensive footwear.

Macon’s latest book, Sleeping Rough, is about homeless people. Inspired by her out-of-the-blue successit is the poetic equivalent of Natalie Portman being discovered at a pizza parlorI spent a half hour cuddled up with a rhyming dictionary and wrote some verse. Because apparently it’s just that easy to be an esteemed poet.

(Ain’t) Sleeping Rough

are putting
protesters in cuffs
But Pat McCrory
ain’t sleeping rough

Medicaid cuts
hurt the poor
the going is rough
Oh, Pat McCrory,
His love is so tough

The guv is
Pope’s puppet
like H.R. Pufnstuf
That Pat McCrory,
He’s nothing but fluff

Teachers get screwed
While cronies
Chill on their duffs
Says Pat McCrory,
Be grateful, not gruff

On the budget
are calling his bluff
Oooh, Pat McCrory,
He’s all in a huff

The new state poet
She doesn’t know it
But McCrory used her book as a muff
He never reads poetry
Nope, can’t stand the stuff