This story is part of our ongoing series, Ask INDY, in which INDY staffers put their expertise (and impeccable taste) to use answering your questions about navigating life in the Triangle.
This edition of our Ask INDY column holds the distinction of being the first topic no one has submitted a question to. We take no offense: there is a lot more to ask of topics like, say, the Durham Public Schools system or Wake County transit. Scrolling back through Reddit, though, it is clear that dates—how to get them, what to do on them—is something plenty of locals wonder about. While I can’t help you on the former, below, find some thoughts on the latter. (Good luck out there!)
One of the most frequent date-night questions that surfaces on Reddit is: “What are Durham date ideas that don’t involve alcohol?” Here are some options.
Frozen treats
If you are going on a date circa now, you’re both going to be sweating. You might as well make seeking out something cold the organizing principle of your date. It’s a wholesome and relatively noncommittal activity, so it’s good for an early date.
Go classic and get cones at The Parlour and then walk around downtown, try Andia’s Ice Cream at the Can Opener (relatively private-feeling with plenty of food trucks to choose from), or get specific and grab ice cream sandwiches at Rose’s Noodles, Dumplings and Sweets, where standout flavors include white miso gingersnap and berry Key lime sorbet on vanilla graham crackers.
In my opinion—advice generally applicable to both ice cream sandwiches and dates—the more specific, the better.
If you’re looking for spots outside the downtown Durham core, walk to Pistachio in Lakewood or LocoPops near Ninth Street—the latter has a lovely screened porch that’s good for really settling into a chat. (LocoPops also has another iteration, LocoShop, off Foster Street.) For a bit more of a commitment, drive out to the dreamy Broken Spoke farm stand in Hillsborough for soft-serve on the weekends.
All right, so things are going well and eating ice cream can reasonably only take so long—what next? Depending on where you are in Durham, pop by a bookstore like Letters or the Regulator and browse (an activity that hits the perfect ratio between talking and silence), or walk to the Main Library downtown. Swoon!
Recreation
You can trust that this is objective journalism because I’m suggesting a category of activity (physical risk) that I probably would not enjoy doing on a date. But … many people do, so here goes.
Go rock climbing at the Triangle Rock Club or the Durham Boulder Garden. Take a salsa dancing class at one of Durham’s many dance studios or at the weekly Sunday Salsa Social. A walk or picnic at Duke Gardens is a classic; you could also go to the Museum of Life and Science’s genuinely enchanting Butterfly House. Go roller-skating at Wheels and recover with slices of pizza. Stock up on quarters and show off your Mario Kart skills at Boxcar Bar + Arcade, High Dive, or Bowlero. Bike or blade the American Tobacco Trail. OK, I might’ve persuaded myself—these all sound like fun.
Art
Each third Friday of the month, downtown Durham hosts an art walk. Galleries throw open their doors for browsing, and usually there’s some kind of music happening outdoors. It’s a lovely way to roam, people watch, support local arts, and perhaps grab a bite to eat afterward.
The Nasher Museum of Art and the North Carolina Museum of Art both occasionally have special evening hours (romantic!) but also are a good activity at any hour; you can have a coffee at the museum café afterward. Downtown, 21c also has a collection that’s fun to wander. And here’s our list of summer exhibitions to hit across the Triangle. For a more hands-on activity, take a class at the Durham Arts Council or Claymakers, or go to Chapel Hill for one of Triple Spring Studio’s many class options (candlemaking, wooden spoons, mosaics!).
Hyperspecific events
“Let’s hang out” is the death of romance; “Let’s learn to play mahjong” or “Let’s go to the Nic Cage Film Discussion Group”—both upcoming events hosted by the Durham County Library (DCL) System—are the birth (maybe) of romance. You can find events like these on the DCL website or Discover Durham; of course, I’d also be remiss not to plug our weekly INDY Selects series that highlights five unique local events each week.
The Carolina Theatre has frequent events and special series, like its ongoing Retro Film Series, and there are always unique events at places like Mettlesome, Shadowbox Studio, the Pinhook, and Motorco Music Hall.
Unlike getting ice cream, committing to a structured activity does have a higher buy-in threshold. But that’s okay! In an age of relational evasion, a bit of buy-in is healthy; whether you’ve known each other for 20 years or 20 minutes.
A new Ask INDY topic is posted weekly. Send us your questions at indyweek.com/ask-indy or [email protected].
Follow Culture Editor Sarah Edwards on Bluesky or email [email protected].